Hi

Okay so I know I’ve been MIA for AGESSSSS but holy crap did I go through hell these past couple months. My OCD beat the hell out of me but here I am!! I made it through an ER trip, psych urgent care trip, many visits with my psychiatrist, and new meds.

I actually recently finished Ketamine treatments and start TMS treatments this week. Had anyone heard of these before?

I plan on going into more detail but want to see if anyone would be interested in hearing my journey these past months. I don’t mind sharing!

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So I see a therapist on Monday. I’ve had a panic attack everyday for a week. I’ve barely eaten in 3 days. I’ve lost 8 lbs. I went to urgent care to get some sort of anxiety medication to hold me over.

Yes as you all know I’ve had OCD for awhile however- it was always my rituals (annoying but manageable). Now it’s overthinking and impulsive made up thoughts.

What’s changed? I started taking a prescription medication for migraines. Since I’ve taken that, I’ve been in a downward spiral. I have stopped, but it’s still in my system. I’m trying so hard to get through the thoughts and remind myself they aren’t even real- but it gets tiresome.

Anyway that’s my update for you all. I will keep you posted.

So I did some research on my insurance’s website and found some physiatrists that take my insurance but can’t find any that specialize in just OCD- so I’m gonna call one that specializes in anxiety disorders. I am hoping they can help me- and hoping it’s not too costly.

Excited to get help- but also nervous. Really not big on prescriptions but at this point I’m desperate

Ugh

Well these past couple weeks have been really overwhelming- my OCD has been intense. Just about every week I’ve had a dental appointment or a doctor appointment- but I still haven’t seen anyone about my OCD.

The specialist I was given for my OCD doesn’t have the best reviews online- and I’m having a hard time finding someone local. Money is a bit tight as well and that is adding to my OCD. I was reading online on how to retrain behaviors- but it seems so hard.

My overthinking has been outta control but I really am doing my best to push everything out of my head.

Any tips? I know I need to see someone for my OCD- but anything that helps you guys that I could do in the meantime?

Overthinking

Lately- my anxiety has been hitting me really hard with overthinking. Like I’m talking REALLY overthinking. Making up fake scenarios in my head, dwelling on things from the past, and also overthinking future events.

I have tried meditation- although I must admit I haven’t been very consistent with that. I plan on starting yoga this weekend to help with a peaceful mind.

What are some ways you all help with anxiety/ overthinking?

Happy New Year!!

Long time no… type? Yes alas, I went ghost again. Although I must say I’ve just been super super busy with the holidays. Overall I had a great Thanksgiving and Christmas!! I truly am blessed.

Last year, I made a goal to quit smoking cigarettes. And guess what? I DID IT. I also chose to give up alcohol. Nothing against alcohol- but I used to drink way too often. Which I’m not sure everyone knew- but I would go to a local bar once a week with some friends. Sometimes more than once- and we would drink way too much. I’d chain smoke a whole pack of cigarettes, waste a bunch of money, and feel like crap. I didn’t really care about anything in those days- in fact I don’t think I really cared about anything for a long time and didn’t really respect myself or care about my health. That all changed when I met my boyfriend! He has been the light I needed. I would still go while dating him to catch up with my friends- but I’d have maybe 1 drink if that. And then eventually stopped going altogether. This is just something I chose to get rid of as a way to cleanse myself of those old memories and start a fresh new happy life!

Any who- forget about the past! I am so excited for 2019!! This year I will continue to focus on my well being. I am in a healthy loving relationship with the man I plan on marrying some day. I am going to devote this year to stay on top of my appointments. I haven’t seen a dentist in years- thanks depression! But now I care and I want to be healthy and happy.

I’ve decided to cut out soda as well! Going on day 4. I am also controlling portion sizes and limiting snacking. I am being more conscious with my meal choices. I will remain working on my mental health and OCD- which I am hoping a better diet may take the edge off some of my anxieties.

What are some of your goals for the new year?

Huge step for me!

Okay so I know I mentioned a few posts back aka a long time ago that I reached out for help.

Well- today I finally got around to calling. I know what you’re thinking- I’ve had this information for a while and still haven’t called!!? YES. I can only help but laugh because this is anxiety in full swing. I hit depression lows here and there CAUSED by my OCD from time to time and that keeps me from doing simple things like cleaning, doing things like calling for appointments, and pretty much anything that I’m not FORCED to do like work! Also wow I love caps lock apparently lol

Well I called and no one answered so I’ll call again- I also got a number that gives me free phone sessions although one of my anxieties is talking on the phone so not sure if I will utilize that.

I also booked a trip in a few months to travel to another convention in another city. This is really big for me because I don’t like doing anything out of my normal regime. I’m already anxious but I think this time it’s more excited? I am excited though. It will be fun. It just is really hard for me to step out of my bubble but I will be with friends so that will be nice. I will just miss my kitties and dogs and especially my boyfriend.

I can do this!!! One of my best friends gave me a bracelet yesterday- with my favorite animal as a charm. The message with it is PERFECT. She struggles like me and it was so nice to read the message and have it with me always. I will cherish it everyday especially on my upcoming trip!

Sorry I have been gone

Life has been so overwhelming!!!

I am working full time and in school- so things get pretty hectic for me.

My OCD has subsided but spikes here and there. I got some information from my work counselor and will be exploring some options!

I won!!!

I won first place in one of my categories I entered my tattoo!!!

I have a Jigsaw and Billy tattoo on my leg (surrounded my tons of other horror icons) and it took first place in the realistic category!!!

I feel on top of the world! Now with the weekend over my stress and anxiety have subsided for now. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving in a few days!

Anyone have exciting plans?

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